Constant Replay
by Jessica237
Summary: EC. She couldn't stop watching it; it just played over and over in her mind, a scene from a horror movie on constant replay. Missing scene for episode 7x06.


**Title: **Constant Replay  
**By:** Jessica  
**Pairing:** Eric/Calleigh  
**Rating:** T  
**Timeline:** Missing scene for episode 7x06 - Wrecking Crew. Contains spoilers.  
**Summary: **She couldn't stop watching it; it just played over and over in her mind, a scene from a horror movie on constant replay.

* * *

"Are you okay?"

His words sounded so far away, unable to fully permeate the suffocating fog in her mind. There wasn't much at the moment that could get through to her. It had taken until William's wife had walked away before she began to feel the pain in her cheek; when her hand had connected, Calleigh hadn't even been able to formulate a response, let alone carry out a reaction. Her senses were dulled, it seemed. Her entire being felt caught in the past, a moment from which she could not force herself to move on.

Over a decade on the job, and yet, she'd never held someone's life as precariously in her fingers as she had today. The one time; the first time, and she had failed. A man had crashed through death's door far too early; his life had literally slipped right through her shaking fingers.

The scene had haunted her for hours, almost as though taunting her. She couldn't stop watching it; it just played over and over in her mind, a scene from a horror movie on constant replay. And it was so vivid, so real. She could hear the desperation in William's raspy voice; she could see the fear, the utter and total fear in his wide eyes. And Calleigh saw it all through the same misty eyes that she had first witnessed it with. Blurry, yet _so _clear at the same time.

In the final moment, though, the scene was far too clear for her. She watched, powerless, as William's hand slipped from her own, sending him hurtling to the floor below. It was almost as though she were watching in slow motion; watching as the fear in his eyes became realization – realization that his life consisted merely of a few seconds more, realization that he would never see his family again. And, with those realizations in his eyes, he crashed into the ground below.

Once more, the guilt crashed into her; stinging, angry guilt. _She_ had let him go. _She _had failed to hold on.

His life had literally been in her hands, and she had been too physically weak to pull him back, to save him. Now, instead of his life, it was his blood that would forever taint her hands.

If only she had held on tighter.

If only she had held on longer.

Her eyes decidedly downcast, Calleigh let out a shaky breath, struggling to find the composure that had never really returned to her. Instead of fading away, the stinging at her cheek only seemed to intensify as the moments drew on, but Calleigh dared not lift a soothing hand to it. She'd already shown enough weakness today; adding to that display of weakness was not an acceptable option.

Still, for reasons she would never be able to sift out of the complex web of her mind, Calleigh could not bring herself to answer Eric's inquiry with her usual, easy response. Perhaps she knew he would see right through it, or maybe, once again, she simply lacked the strength to place conviction behind those words. Either way, the answer that fell quietly from her lips felt so foreign to her. "No." Exhaling deeply, she lifted her eyes to Eric, though she could only hold his gaze for the shortest of moments. Even if she lacked the strength to pretend, it didn't make uttering the truth any easier either. "No, I'm not."

It was likely the first time she had ever admitted that to him; if there had been a time in the past, Eric couldn't remember it. Her quiet admission momentarily stopped his heart; for Calleigh to admit that she wasn't okay, combined with the fragility with which she stood beside him now…Eric couldn't lie – for a moment, it frightened him. This was Calleigh; the unshakeable, unflappable Calleigh Duquesne.

And suddenly, that unshakeable, unflappable Calleigh Duquesne had been broken. The realization left him without his voice, unable to do more than lower his own eyes, even though his own mind was alive with comforting words he could offer. His mind simply couldn't transfer those words to his voice.

In the wake of his silence, Calleigh felt so exposed, and so unable to do anything about it. Eyes closed, she gave a sigh of frustration, shaking her head just slightly. "There's something that we're missing. I'm gonna go back there." The words were flat, unmotivated, but they served their purpose. She was so close to the breaking point she'd been teetering over all morning, leaving her needing an escape, a reason to walk away. And with one last quick glance to Eric, she quickly turned away, ready to do just that. The moisture was already pricking at the corner of her eyes; she just needed a quick moment to compose herself, or at least try.

But before she had even taken a step, she felt a gentle surge of warmth flood through her as Eric softly caught her hand, effectively freezing her in place. "Wait just a second," he murmured in such a soothing voice that Calleigh couldn't help but oblige him. She didn't turn back, knowing instinctively that he would find his way in front of her.

And he did. Unlike herself, Eric never failed people.

The knowledge brought a fresh rush of guilt to her heart, and Calleigh pursed her lips, her eyes once more on the ground below. Today, when it had mattered the most, she had let William down. They'd pledged to keep him safe, but she had let him die. His wife was right.

And again she was watching him, falling away from her in slow motion. It just wouldn't stop, and Calleigh gave a deep shudder, plagued by the inability to escape.

It was the single involuntary motion that snapped Eric's professional restraint. He didn't care that they were out on the sidewalk; he didn't care that they were at work. All that mattered was the woman in front of him; the beautiful, amazing woman who was currently so consumed with guilt and pain that she seemed a mere shadow of herself.

With a touch as gentle as the softest breeze, Eric slowly brushed a curtain of blonde away from her face, tucking it securely behind her ear. The growing redness of her cheek was so apparent, contrasting vividly with her perfect skin. "Does it hurt?" he asked softly, his voice so warm, so inviting.

Calleigh swallowed the rapidly growing lump in her throat, though it merely grew again. "Not bad," she mumbled, afraid to raise her voice, knowing it would crack with the weight of unshed tears. She knew she was fighting a losing battle, but that was no reason to simply give up the fight. Breathing deeply once, twice, and a third time, Calleigh searched deeply for the strength to look up and into Eric's eyes.

And in those dark orbs she found such a strong sense of security; he was there for her irrevocably, whether she would gather her strength and hold her head high as she walked away, or instead lose it all and fall apart in the safety of his arms.

Eric felt his heart clench as she lifted her eyes to him. The normally brilliant emerald green was cloaked in a misty sheen, the tears she fought back so valiantly shining through despite her best efforts. The redness in her eyes was readily visible, though not as vivid as the redness of her cheek. She looked so…lost. Eric knew he would give anything to have been in Calleigh's place; he would do anything to take the pain, the guilt away from her.

It wasn't often – or ever, really – that he saw Calleigh like this. Broken, unconfident, forlorn – there was no one word that could describe it. Murmuring her name ever quietly, he gently lifted his hand, holding Calleigh's eyes the entire time as he placed his hand over her cheek, covering the blemish that had grown out of a mixture of heartache and anger. "I'm sorry," he whispered, though he was unsure for what.

In her current emotional state, the temptation was just too much, and Calleigh couldn't stop herself if she'd wanted to. As soon as she felt his gentle touch along her cheek, she sighed softly, leaning into his touch. Against the stinging ache in her cheek, his fingers were like cool water to a burn – soothing, quieting, _healing. _Her eyes closed as his soft caress played upon her cheek, sending a trek of cooling shivers racing down her spine and throughout her body. His apology just barely registered in her ears, but even if she'd heard it completely, her mind wouldn't have been able to process it. "For what?" she whispered, feeling the goosebumps appear along her arms. "You didn't – you weren't the one…"

Her voice trailed off, and Eric swallowed, feeling his own despair at the fact that she blamed herself first and foremost for what had happened to William. "Calleigh, don't blame yourself," he pleaded quietly. And if there was any last piece of his heart that remained unshattered, it was done away with as Calleigh squeezed her eyes shut, unable to stop a single tear that escaped through the corner. It trickled slowly along her cheek before reaching Eric's thumb, the tiny drop of moisture setting every receptor in the pad of his thumb alive as he tenderly brushed it away. "Calleigh…"

"No," she protested, her eyes opening once more to Eric. "I – I deserved that," she continued, her eyes flickering toward her cheek. The sheer guilt in the words was like an arrow to Eric's own heart, and it was all he could do to keep from scooping her into his arms and refusing to ever let her go.

"Don't believe that," he whispered again, lifting his other hand to her other cheek. Cupping her face fully in his hands, Eric gazed deep into her eyes, watching firsthand as the conflicting emotions spiraled through those beautiful eyes. "It's not true."

Despite his pleading, Calleigh shook her head as best she could with his hands – his warm, comforting hands – at her cheeks. "Then why do I keep – I keep seeing him, Eric, over and over. I let him go. He fell because I didn't hold on to him."

The words escaped her lips with such an audible tremor, a tremor that broke all the rest of Eric's resolve. "Calleigh…" he murmured, and as she pursed her lips, looking for all the world as though she were on the brink of falling apart, Eric could no longer stand there and simply watch her. He dropped his hands from her cheeks, opting instead to bring her completely into his arms.

Immediately her body tensed, but she didn't resist him, instead allowing him to embrace her. It felt nice, after all. Better than nice – it was the comfort she needed but would not ask for. Instantly she found the warmth to chase away the cold emptiness that had settled within her. Without thinking, she instinctively nestled against his chest, shivering slightly as she felt his gentle fingers trace the most soothing patterns over her back.

She trusted him implicitly already, but the feel of his arms around her gave her the strength, and even more than that, the _willingness _to pour her darkest thoughts out to him. Twisting her neck, she rested her cheek against him, her ear just overtop of his heart. The steady beat calmed her frantic emotions, and she couldn't help but hold so tightly to every single beat, almost as though it were her lifeline. "The look in his eyes, Eric…" she murmured, letting her eyes fall closed. She didn't have to wait long for the vision to manifest itself, but this time, her shudder was less consuming. "He knew – he knew that he was going to die; he knew I was going to let him go."

Never before had she felt so completely _fragile_ in his arms. Just as always, she fit so perfectly in his arms, but at the same time, she felt oh so small. The realization flitting through his mind, Eric tightened his arms around her, intent on protecting her from all the world, at least until she could find her strength again. "You didn't let him go, Cal," he whispered, one hand stroking gently over her golden locks. "You tried, but you _couldn't_ hold on. There's a difference." He swallowed, unable to stop the frightening train of thought that followed his quiet declaration. "And if you _had_ held on, you – you –" He stuttered, instinctively holding her tighter as the vision grew forth in his mind. "You could've gone down with him. And then I –"

His voice cracked abruptly, but neither of them needed him to finish. The way his arms trembled around her, combined with the sudden flutter of his heart was more than enough to convey his point, his own deepest fear – losing her. Calleigh bit at her lip, feeling her eyes once more grow misty, her vision blurring. She murmured his name, turning her face back into his chest. The scent of him suddenly overwhelmed her, leaving her unwilling to ever leave his arms. She just felt so completely safe there, so protected – a feeling she only rarely allowed herself to feel from anyone else.

Unable to stop himself, he shifted his head, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Calleigh's head, his lips lingering as he breathed her in. And if there was one gesture that could do the trick, it seemed to be that one. In his arms, Calleigh gave a soft sigh, her body relaxing completely into his embrace.

In her mind, the horrific movie continued to play out for her, though the picture was becoming progressively more grainy. The sounds were dulled, and the blurring became less because of her tear-filled eyes, and more because she was succeeding in blocking it away, even if only a little bit. But she didn't allow herself to fall completely into the sense of relief it brought – she knew for a fact that William's haunted eyes and his slow motion fall would visit her in her dreams tonight.

For now, though, the constant replay seemed to have worn itself out, much like a tape on which a single scene had been repeated and repeated. The gentle stroke of Eric's fingers along her back and in her hair, along with the soft, random kisses he placed atop her head were hypnotizing to her mind, filling her with warmth and chasing away the shadows. Slowly she felt her strength, her confidence come back to her, all from just letting Eric hold her.

With a deep breath, taking in his intoxicating, calming scent once more, Calleigh sighed and pulled back, feeling as Eric gradually loosened his arms around her. Unwilling to break all contact, she pulled her body from his embrace, catching his hands with hers. She felt Eric give her hands a reassuring squeeze, and she looked down at their connected hands before meeting his eyes. "Thanks, Eric," she murmured, truly and completely grateful. If not for the strength she'd found in his arms, she wouldn't have made it through the rest of the day without falling apart.

He was aware of the few other people in the vicinity; he could feel a few pairs of eyes on them, but that made no difference to Eric. Tugging her gently close again, he lowered his head, dropping one last gentle kiss to her forehead. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked softly, his lips moving sensually against her skin.

Calleigh shivered against the soft caress of his lips. The deepest concern was so evident in his voice, and for the first time since the dreadful events of just a few hours earlier, she mustered up the strength to give a small smile. His question echoed in his ears, but just like before, Calleigh felt no urge to give him her customary response, to lie to him. She wasn't okay; she wouldn't be okay for awhile – something like that wouldn't just suddenly leave her, and she knew that.

After a long moment, Calleigh finally released his hands, breaking the gentle electricity that had flowed between them. Her eyes never leaving his, she gave a small nod, murmuring another honest answer that Calleigh might not have believed to be true this time if it weren't for Eric.

"I will be."


End file.
